As a sensitive person, I know that I’ve always had the ability to deeply feel other people’s emotions, so much that I start to believe that those emotions are mine as well.

This is most obvious in my intimate romantic relationship because I’m so emotionally intertwined with one particular person. Empaths, sensitive souls, and really anyone in a romantic relationship know this well:

Your partner comes home in a bad mood. You, on the other hand, had a great day until you feel their energy, and suddenly everything shifts inside of you. This doesn’t mean you also had a bad day; it just means you’ve absorbed whatever your partner is feeling because you are wonderfully sensitive and empathic.

This ability to deeply feel is a special one, and makes you a great partner because of that ability to empathize and understand someone else’s emotions. The hard part comes in when you feel yourself reflect or mirror someone’s negative emotions, overwhelming your own neutral or positive ones.

So how do we navigate this type of energy in our relationships? It’s certainly not a one-time event; we’re all human and have emotional fluctuations on a daily basis. Throughout my journey as an empath, I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, a few key elements to managing your own energy within a relationship, especially when sour moods strike.

I hope these help you honor your own needs so you can maintain your sense of self while still supporting the person you care about when they are having a rough day, week, or moment.

1) Avoid trying to cheerlead or “fix” their mood

My younger self tried this move all the time. I genuinely thought this was how you supported someone: Overwhelm them with positive “vibes” until they had no choice but to feel better. Of course, this would backfire as I would use a ton of my own energy to “pump” them up, it wouldn’t work, and then I’d feel dejected or drained because I couldn’t fix the problem.

My current (hopefully slightly wiser) self has come to realize that even though negative emotions kinda suck, we can’t cheerlead them away. We have to ride the wave of whatever someone else is feeling, which for an empath is extra hard because we feel their feelings so acutely!!

You can see the empath conundrum here…we want them to feel good so we do as well.

But if you can take a step back when your partner is upset, and remember that using your energy to fix or cheerlead is really a drain on you, you’ll be able to better support your partner in other ways because you won’t be exhausted yourself.

2) Remember, it’s not about you

This is a very easy trap to fall into because the other person’s mood can overwhelm us so quickly. I still have to remind myself that I hadn’t even talked to my partner most of the day, so the chance they are upset because of me is pretty slim.

Even so, it’s natural for empaths to fear they’ve done something wrong because our emotions are so intertwined with our partner’s. And as natural givers, we tend to take the blame in order to help them to heal.

Another key element of this is keeping our own ego in check: It really isn’t about you! Not in a bad way!! 😉

While a romantic partner can sometimes feel like the center of our world, they do have other outside factors that contribute to their mood: work, family, friends, and community. This is a very healthy quality to have in a relationship, and it helps to remember that their mood and happiness doesn’t solely rely on you.

So, take a deep breath and a step back, and really remind yourself that their mood probably doesn’t have anything to do with you. And, if it does happen to be about you, hopefully your partner can communicate that in a healthy way and you can manage together from there.

3) You don’t have to “match” their mood, especially if you feel ok!

A classic empath move: “I’ll match my emotions to your emotions and that will make it better.” As I said before, this is hard for us to resist. We are good at mirroring and meeting someone where they are.

The tricky part is remembering that you don’t have to match your partner’s mood just because you can. In fact, there’s really no point in being upset yourself. It won’t fix their mood, as we talked about earlier, and then you are left feeling bummed out when you really aren’t.

Now, if you are feeling elated and joyful and suddenly are met with opposite emotions, this might be a bit harder! Maybe you connect with friends or family who are ready to share your joy and circle back to your partner later after they’ve processed what they need to.

Just be careful not to blame your partner for “bringing you down”…you are responsible for how you process energy in your own body, and it’s also not their responsibility to match your mood either.

4) Give them space

This might be counter-intuitive for empaths cause’ we like to get right up in there and try to help when someone is down, but space might actually be the better option.

Because we are so inclined to absorb, and because you can’t “fix” someone’s bad mood, it’s ok to give your partner a little room to let them process, and to let you separate your emotions from theirs.

The main point is: Intertwining yourself with their emotions isn’t going to make them feel better. I know it’s hard to believe this, but giving them space to ride the waves and to allow you to acknowledge what is and isn’t yours might be the most helpful thing you can do in the moment.

This isn’t to say you block them out or ignore their problems. This is to say that stepping in at the height of a partner’s bad mood isn’t going to be helpful for either of you.

Which leads me to…

5) Offer help or support when it feels right

Timing is everything, and that includes when to offer your empathic superpowers to your partner. Just like you wouldn’t try to go outside in the middle of a thunderstorm, you also don’t want to step into their emotions when they aren’t ready for you to be there.

Use all the steps above to help you know when to offer your support: Avoid the instinct to “fix”, remind yourself it’s not about you, don’t immediately match their mood to keep the peace, give them some space, and THEN offer that comforting, sweet, empath love to help them process, heal, and release.

For more info on how to clear and manage your own energy, check out:

Energy Protection for Empaths: Creating Boundaries

Energy Protection for Empaths: Clearing Energy

Why You Need to STOP Doing This for Your Partner…

Are You an Empath? 8 Tell-Tale Signs You Can’t Ignore

How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays-An Empath’s Playbook