How to Actually Enjoy the Holidays-An Empath’s Playbook

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Tis’ the season of holiday music, festive food, gift-giving, and extra family time. While many people look forward to this time of year, it turns out this season can be incredibly hard on empaths.

Holiday music may feel loud, incessant, or doesn’t match your true emotions. Festive food means heavy, rich, and sugary treats that throw off the body’s natural cycles. Gift-giving can cause emotional and financial stress. And of course, family time. Ah, wonderful in theory, very exhausting in reality.

Now add the COVID19 pandemic to the mix with social distancing, cold and flu season, and high-tension politics, and you don’t have to be an empath to feel the stress and fatigue this holidays season may bring.

So, what can we do? How do we manage a season that feels largely out of our control, and brings extra stressors for sensitive people? Even the Grinch realized he couldn’t stop Christmas. ;-)

Here are a few basic tips to manage the holidays this year with grace, boundaries, and perhaps, some peace on earth. 

Photo by Food Photographer | Jennifer Pallian on Unsplash

Food and Alcohol Mindfulness  

Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say no alcohol or fun treats during the holidays. I had to physically restrain myself from buying eggnog I spotted back in October, so I’m not here to judge.

What I do want to remind you is that food has a huge impact on empaths. If we are highly sensitive to other people’s emotions and energies, it’s no surprise that we are extra sensitive to food and alcohol as well.

So, when you think about cookies and holiday cocktails this season, I would recommend keeping it mindful. When choosing your treats, give them loving careful thought. A homemade cookie vs. a stale, store-bought one? The homemade one might feel more soul-nourishing, and therefore, you may not feel the need to gobble 5 of them.

Reaching for a drink out of habit/social pressure vs. genuinely craving a relaxing, tasty, beverage? Most likely the thoughtful beverage will be more satisfying then the habitual one (or many), and leave you feeling clear headed and energized the next day.

None of this is to encourage deprivation or dieting. I’m a firm believer in “scratching the itch” when it comes to holiday food. There are some things that only come around once a year, and I think it feeds the spirit as much as it feeds the taste buds.

In bringing mindfulness into the picture, you’ll get more satisfaction out of the treats you do choose to enjoy, and stabilize your energy and mood with fewer sugar highs and lows.

Heartfelt vs. Obligation Gifts 

Photo by DiEtte Henderson on Unsplash

Holiday gifts have been a struggle for me over the years because one of my family’s main love languages is gift giving. While I am a gift giver as well, the holidays bring extra pressure to shop, spend, and give stuff. As an empath, the stuff factor tends to bring me much more stress than joy.

Gift giving is also very cultural. We are bombarded by holiday gifting everywhere we go, and often feel the pressure to give gifts to a very long list of friends, family, and acquaintances.

How do we curb gift-giving without feeling grinchy?  

Using a bit of mindfulness from Tip #1, really asses if the gift is coming from a heartfelt place or a place of obligation. There are many people in my life that I am thankful for, love deeply, and want to celebrate our relationship with a thoughtful gift. Those gifts feel heartfelt.

Conversely, are you giving a gift because someone gave one to you? Is it the office “norm” to gift give even though you don’t particularly connect with anyone in your office?  These cultural pressures can be hard to navigate, as well as super draining!

If a gift does feel like an obligation, take the pressure off of spending a lot or needing to be super thoughtful or creative. Keep it simple and make a list of those types of gifts so you can buy in bulk and let your brain relax. OR, if you are feeling bold, skip those gifts and ask the coworker you truly connect with out for a tea or lunch instead.

The other route to take with gift giving is to think about giving food, time, or making a gift instead. Bake cookies, offer a “gift” of child care for a night, make an ornament, or have friends over for a special dinner.

All of these alternatives are still generous and kind, but take away the “stuff” factor, allowing you to truly celebrate the season with the ones you love, and not get dragged down in obligatory gift, spending, and stress.

It’s ok to say, “no”

Of all the years to say “no” to holiday social norms, this is THE year! The pandemic has forced us to social distance, which could be challenging for some, but could be a massive relief for empaths, highly sensitive people, and introverts.

Empaths, I want you to know, it really is ok to protect your energy with a loving “no” this holiday season. This year has been a DOOZY energetically, and I have no doubt your nerves are a bit frayed, energy depleted, and emotions are struggling to stabilize with all that is going on in the world.

Saying “no” doesn’t mean completely shutting out the world and the ones you love. It means saying yes to what YOU need, which may mean saying “no” to someone else.

Which brings me to…

Have yourself a merry little…anything you want

While the pandemic may feel restrictive in a lot of ways, there is also something liberating about making this holiday season anything you want it to be.

We’ll be traveling less, shopping less, and gathering less, and while there is some grief in this, also consider the freedom that comes with this unique moment in history.

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

Do you want to decorate your house like a Hawaii beach party and eat ham sandwiches on a snowy, cold night? Why the hell not?

How about making a massive blanket fort and having a sleepover with your kids on Christmas eve? Who’s to say you can’t?? Put on that holiday party dress and dance in the kitchen, have a goofy movie-marathon, or create brand new traditions that are just yours.

Maybe consider that this time of year is actually meant to be a quiet inward time. It’s incredibly cold and dark, we crave grounding, earthy foods, we sleep more, and generally hunker down. The holidays really force us out of our natural hibernation rhythm, which leads to stress, weariness, and illness.

So, find your freedom this year, whether that means honoring holiday traditions as best you can, or making new ones. Honor your empath sensitivities and soul, feeling into the best way to navigate this very unique holiday season.